My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
