I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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