I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
