i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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