Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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