where am i from again
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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