My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
