Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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