ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And then he peed in my hair
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
