i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
