we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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