All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
