Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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