i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
