my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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