Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
