then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
