hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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