I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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