Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Girls should come with a carfax report
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
