i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
