meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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