Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
id be glad to
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
