I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
