do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
