At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
