Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
