I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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