i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
