it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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