Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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