Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
