about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
