I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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