I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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