This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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