Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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