Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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