Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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