you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
