That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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