It's Friday. Sex?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
