i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
