It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
