i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
