im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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