I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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