I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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