im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
