I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
