we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
